"Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

 
1. Overview of Attachment Theory: "Attached" introduces readers to attachment theory, a psychological model that explains how individuals form emotional bonds with others. The book categorizes people into three primary attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and secure. These styles influence how individuals behave in relationships, particularly in how they handle intimacy and independence.
 
2. Focus on Anxious and Avoidant Attachment: Levine and Heller primarily discuss the dynamics between anxious and avoidant attachment styles. The book suggests that these combinations are common but often problematic, as the needs and behaviors of anxious and avoidant individuals often clash. Anxious individuals crave closeness and reassurance, while avoidant individuals value independence and often pull away in response to intimacy.
 
3. Criticisms and Limitations: However, many therapists and readers have criticized "Attached" for portraying these attachment styles. Some key criticisms include:
 

• A. Oversimplification of Attachment Style: One of the central criticisms of "Attached" is its oversimplification of attachment styles, especially in portraying anxious and avoidant types as inherently problematic or incompatible. This binary view neglects the complexity and fluidity of human relationships and individual experiences. Attachment styles are not static and can evolve over time, influenced by various factors, including personal growth, therapeutic interventions, and changes in relationship dynamics.
• B. Stigmatization and Negative Stereotyping: The book has been accused of stigmatizing the avoidant attachment style, painting it as almost irreparable or undesirable. This viewpoint can be detrimental, fostering a sense of hopelessness or self-criticism among those who identify with this style. Similarly, the portrayal of anxious individuals as constantly needy or clingy risks reinforcing harmful stereotypes. Such representations can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where individuals feel pigeonholed into acting according to their labeled attachment style.
• C. Lack of Emphasis on Underlying Causes: Critics point out that "Attached" fails to explore the underlying causes behind different attachment styles adequately. Avoidant behavior, for instance, is often a coping mechanism developed in response to past traumas or unmet emotional needs. By not addressing these root causes, the book misses the opportunity to provide a more empathetic and comprehensive understanding of why people behave the way they do in relationships.
• D. Inadequate Discussion on Earning Security: Another significant oversight in "Attached" is its lack of focus on earning security within established relationships. Many therapists and researchers advocate that individuals with insecure attachment styles can develop more secure patterns through supportive and understanding relationships. The book’s omission of this transformative potential limits its utility as a personal and relational growth resource.
• E. Disregard for Attachment-Seeking Motivations: The book also overlooks the attachment-seeking motivations that drive the behaviors of both anxious and avoidant individuals. Understanding these motivations is crucial in developing empathy and compassion in relationships. Neglecting this aspect, "Attached" provides an incomplete picture of how attachment styles influence relationship dynamics.
• F. Contradiction with Adult Bonding Science: Many psychologists and clinicians find that the principles outlined in "Attached" contradict those of Adult Bonding Science (the application of Attachment Theory with adults in romantic relationships). Attachment Theory emphasizes recognizing and valuing the different needs and behaviors in a relationship, fostering a secure bond through understanding and acceptance. In contrast, "Attached" often seems to advocate for avoiding certain attachment styles rather than working through the differences to build a stronger, more secure connection.

 
G. Potential Harm to Client Understanding and Expectations: For therapists and counselors, a concern is how the book might shape clients' understanding and expectations regarding relationships. Clients who read "Attached" may come to therapy with misconceptions or a biased view of their own or their partner’s attachment style. Thus hinders the therapeutic process, as clients might resist exploring deeper issues or alternative perspectives on their relationship dynamics.
 
H. Limited Scope for Couples Dynamics
Lastly, the book’s focus is primarily on single individuals, particularly those with an anxious attachment style, and it is not designed as a guide for couples therapy. Couples seeking to improve their relationship may find limited applicability in the book’s content, as it does not address the complexities and nuances typical in couple dynamics.
 
4. Target Audience and Applicability: "Attached" is primarily aimed at single individuals, particularly those with an anxious attachment style, to help them avoid forming relationships with avoidant partners. It is not specifically written for couples and may not be suitable for them, according to some professionals.
 
5. Positive Aspects and Use Cases: Despite the criticisms, the book does offer some valuable insights:

• Awareness of Unhealthy Patterns: It can help individuals recognize unhealthy patterns in their relationships, especially post-breakup or in toxic partner selection.
• Simplistic but Direct Messages: Concepts like "partner selection is crucial" and "differentiating drama from love" are highlighted as valuable takeaways.
• Discussion on Protest Behaviors: The book delves into protest behaviors typical in anxious attachment, which some find helpful.

 
Concluding Thoughts
While "Attached" provides a foundational understanding of attachment theory and its impact on romantic relationships, its application and relevance seem limited, especially compared to more comprehensive and nuanced approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy. The book's tendency to oversimplify complex attachment dynamics and potentially stigmatize certain attachment styles raises concerns among professionals. However, it may serve as a starting point for individuals new to the concept of attachment theory or those seeking to understand their relationship patterns, though it should not be the sole resource relied upon for deeper relational insights or therapeutic guidance.